How-twos: Winning any argument
I am going to provide you with the secret recipe I have for winning any argument. This technique dates back thousands of years and works regardless of your knowledge on the topic, if you are actually right, or if you speak the same language.
The steps are numbered below but can typically be used in any order with great effectiveness.
*(Authors note: This technique has not been tested with extraterrestrials. Please use caution if attempting to use it during an alien abduction and drop me a line letting me know how well it worked.)
Pontification provides poignant prose, producing physical prolapse predominating persons psyche.
Defiantly dominate discussion, deliberately deriding defendants domicile décor.
Laughing loudly leaves lesser linguists languishing.
Sarcastically sing soothing songs, secretly stimulating sympathetic synapsis.
Frequently flash five-fingered fists forward feigning fierce fighting form.
Constantly contradict challengers’ claims, confidently confabulating conspiracies.
Reference restricted regulatory readings requiring rotund remuneration.
If you find yourself unable to win an argument using these steps you have bigger problems than winning an argument. You are most likely in one of two situations. You are either 1. arguing with an alien (presumably, as I mentioned above it is unknown if these steps will work on extraterrestrials). Or 2. arguing with a ghost, for which my recommendation is to travel into the future and read my How Twos on defending yourself from a ghost.
*(Authors note: If unsure how to time travel reference the How Twos: How to time travel, if it exists during the time you are looking. It has been known to vanish and reappear without warning.)
